With many positive effects on maintaining healthy relationships and marriages, many are still worried about seeking marriage counselling due to some often repeated myths.
Marriage counselling can be a scary prospect for some, but the reality is that it provides the space for couples to step back, take some time to explain their true feelings, and figure out a solution to the issues they are both facing. The best way to see relationship and marriage counselling is as a sign of strength and commitment from a couple who are willing to work through their individual problems and figure out a way to be happy with each other again.
So to help ease your fears and worries about relationship counselling, I’ve compiled a few of the myths about marriage and relationship counselling that I hear most often:
If people see us needing marriage counselling, it will make us a failure
This is one of the most common reasons couples avoid seeking help from a relationship therapist, and also one of the most misunderstood. Due to our society viewing relationships as a win or lose scenario, there’s the added stress of feeling judged by others if something goes wrong when in reality many couples are actually going through similar issues to your own.
It’s better to see marriage counselling as a form of commitment to one another, or a sign that you want to improve your relationship and have the strength, courage, and humility to work together to achieve it.
Bear in mind, most people will paint a rosy picture of their relationships, after all, it’s a measure of success to many, but the reality might be very different. What’s most important is focussing on your own relationship and happiness despite what others may think.
They’ll never change, so what’s the point in trying marriage counselling?
This is an issue that many couples run into all the time and it puts them off the idea of marriage counselling entirely. First of all, the idea is not to change the other person, but to change the relationship to better suit you both.
If you and your partner haven’t solved the issues you’re facing in your relationship, whether it’s anger issues, mental illness, or something else entirely, it doesn’t mean it can’t change in the future.
A relationship and marriage counsellor will take a non-biased viewpoint of your situation, which is something that is practically impossible for your or your partner to achieve due to your emotional attachment to the situation.
Having the support and space to take a step back and view the relationship issues you and your partner are facing will help you both identify, empathise, and work towards understanding and accepting different points of view, needs, and happiness.
What if the counsellor says I’m in the wrong?
It takes two to argue, so more often than not, both sides are responsible for a struggling relationship in some way. People have their own opinions, thoughts, views, and needs, and a healthy relationship needs to support both sides, despite the inevitable disagreements.
A good marriage counsellor will allow you to speak about your view of the relationship without judgement and help you to understand the impact of those views on your partner. Being able to open up about how you are feeling is an important step to take towards resolving the issues you and your partner might be facing, so the only way you can be wrong is to refuse outright to work on improving your relationship with one another.
Marriage and relationship counselling is always a good option if you’re looking to improve your relationship or give it that initial spark that started it.
Even if you feel marriage counselling won’t help your situation, or if either you or your partner are against the idea of counselling, it’s worth attempting at least once to see.
It may also take some time to resolve all the issues that you both may have, especially if you’ve been struggling for some time, but marriage counselling helps the vast majority of couples identify and solve the problems they are facing.
If you think marriage counselling might help you sort problems with your marriage, get in touch with Neil Ward today on 07970 860 711