It might seem like an unnecessary step to seek premarital counselling, especially if you’ve been recently engaged or planning a wedding, but taking the time to resolve any current issues can help you maintain a healthy and happy marriage for the future.
Engaged couples spend months poring over every little detail of their wedding, and it is very easy to get caught up in the plans for the big day, but the reality of marriage is that you’re (ideally) committing yourself to your partner for the rest of your life. Premarital counselling is a good way for couples to open up about any fears, worries, or life goals that haven’t been discussed through fear of arguments or break ups.
For many partners, these underlying problems, if left unchecked, become a much bigger problem later on in the marriage. After leaving it too late, they seek out marriage counselling as a last resort to prevent a divorce which at that stage may not help as much as they’d like.
Premarital counselling helps to identify and solve the main problems couples may have before they can get out of hand, helps to strengthen relationships, and build an open honest foundation to build a life together.
1) Resolving any conflicts or resentments
The number one reason to seek premarital counselling is to resolve any outstanding resentments, arguments, or previous conflicts that may have occurred, preventing future marriage issues and divorce.
With the main reason for divorce in the UK being negative behaviour, it’s important to understand your partner’s views fully before the marriage. This behaviour can be anything from minor actions that nag away at somebody, like a partner who never does the dishes, to large breaches of trust such as cheating during dating which was forgiven but never fully resolved. These problems will compound over time and sooner or later, disagreements, arguments, and other issues can begin to appear as a result. Seeking a resolution to these problems from the very start gives you and your partner a way to have a new beginning with one another and leave your problems in the past.
2) Learning how to deal with future conflicts
It’s inevitable that arguments and disagreements will occur during your marriage.
A lot of arguments are perpetuated by negative ways of resolving conflict, like the “silent treatment”, yelling, or passive aggression and sarcasm. Seeing a marriage counsellor will give you and your partner the tools to tackle any disagreements in a calm, peaceful way, allowing you both to focus on your happiness instead of dwelling on the negatives.
3) Relieving marriage anxiety
The process of getting engaged or married can be extremely stressful and it’s normal to have fears about trust or committing to somebody. If you or your partner are unsure about the process, premarital counselling gives you the space to air your concerns and worries to each other and with the help of a nonbiased counsellor, you can both work through your anxieties without judgement.
4) Building understanding with one another about the future
Discussing the future with your partner is a good way to build extra trust. If you want kids, are looking to buy a home, or want to understand each other’s life goals, premarital counselling will give you both the opportunity to open up about your hopes and dreams for the future so both of you are on the same page. If there is a conflict of interest, your marriage counsellor will then be able to help you both discuss the situation in a way that works for the both of you without the need to argue.
Premarital counselling may seem like an unnecessary part of getting engaged and married, but spending the extra time ensuring you’re both on the same path, and that you both know how to discuss issues you face, is the key to a long lasting and loving marriage.
If you’d like to know more about premarital counselling, contact Neil Ward today for a free fifteen-minute phone consultation: 07970 860 711