“As a couple struggling in our marriage we were unsure as to whether counselling would work. Nervous and unsure of the process, we took the decision to give it a try and thank goodness we did.
Neil has an open, easy to talk to and calm nature that made it relaxing and helpful to us both. There were many difficult and teary moments that Neil gave us time to work through but he also has a delicate sense of humour that was a welcome relief.
We would both highly recommend Neil as a Couple Counsellor and many thanks once again for getting us back on track.”
Traditionally called marriage counselling, couples counselling is for both married and unmarried couples.
The focus in couples counselling is not so much on the individuals, as in individual counselling, but on their relationship with each other, on the problems in the relationship and what they need to do to improve things.
I work with people who are married, living together or in a civil partnership, including straight, bisexual, gay and lesbian couples.
This type of counselling may also be relevant for couples who are considering marriage or are about to marry.
Why come for couples counselling?
You might be considering couples counselling for a number of different reasons:
- Are you trying to deal with the discovery of your partner’s affair, infidelity or other betrayal?
- Has the communication between you and your partner broken down?
- Are your arguments frequent, unresolved and out of control?
- Do you and you partner disagree about your roles and responsibilities?
- Are you generally dissatisfied with your relationship?
- Do you find it difficult to trust your partner?
- Have you drifted apart?
- Are you experiencing sexual problems such as little or no sex?
- Have you decided to separate or divorce and want to part in a graceful manner?
- Do you disagree on parenting styles or are you having difficulties blending step families?
- Are you or your partner struggling with a long-term health condition either physical or psychological?
- Are you trying to deal with loss such as bereavement, redundancy, or children leaving home?
Please note that I do not work with couples where there are pending legal proceedings involving domestic violence.
If you are the victim of domestic violence in your relationship, it might be more appropriate to come along to counselling without your partner, as couples counselling may increase the likelihood of violence.
What’s involved?
Coming to sessions on a weekly basis is the ideal. However, if this is not possible, attendance on a fortnightly basis is OK. Regular attendance is vital to the progress of the work we do together.
While most couples counselling is short-term, you may need to attend for a period of months. But how long you attend for is very much up to you. Having said that, couples counselling is not a quick fix, so it is important to be realistic about the number of sessions you may require.
I will ask you to commit to an initial block of six sessions. We will the review our progress in session six and decide if we need to consider more sessions.
I like to meet you as a couple for the first two sessions and then to have an individual session with each partner. Subsequent sessions are conducted with you as a couple.
It is also fine for you to come along to the first session on your own, and to bring your partner to subsequent sessions. Although, they would also need to agree to an individual session, at some point, in order to keep things balanced.
The first few sessions are about finding out about what has brought you to counselling at this stage in your relationship, what is the history of your relationship and what you would like to change.
What to expect?
When I am working with couples, my role is very much that of facilitator. This includes:
- listening to both sides in an unbiased manner
- attempting to ensure that both parties listen to and understand each other
- providing a safe, non-judgemental, relaxed and confidential environment
- identifying negative styles of interacting and increasing awareness of these
- assisting the couple to reflect on what changes they want to make
- facilitating a shift towards healthier ways of interacting
Tips to help you get the most out of couples counselling
- Think about your goals, what do you want to achieve and talk about
- Participate in the sessions – talk, think, be present, and ask questions
- Think about what happened in sessions afterwards and also try out any suggested homework or exercises
- Make a regular commitment to couples counselling
- Concentrate on changing yourself, not your partner
- Be honest
- Have realistic expectations
- Have patience
- Be willing to experiment
- Make changes in your behaviour
Call me on 07970 860 711or email me if you would like to improve your relationship
